WTF?

The people I have told this story to think it is hilarious. But try being pregnant with a 7 month old and a 7 year old and a husband who acts like a 7 year old then you would be tired too!

I was on my way to work and my friend called me to ask me where my son was (I drop off Baboo at her house to catch the bus for school). I told her about his lasted affliction (poison something or other) and that he couldn’t go to school. We talked as I dropped Beebo off at his caregiver and went on my way to work. I sat in the car and we talked for a minute. I told her I had to go and she said, “WAIT!” So I sat there and she said she would see me later so I said, “Bye” again and she said, “I’m not talking to you.”

So I asked, “Who are you talking to?”

She said, “What?” (I swear I thought I was in a weird rendition of “Who’s on First?”)

But eventually I got off the phone and went to work in the Land of the Dense.

I puttered away 9 hours of my life and was ready to run at 4:30. My boss walked up to my doorway and started telling me about this and that for tomorrow’s schedule and I lost track of what he was saying because I wasn’t able to find my keys in the bottom of my purse. I murmured my responses to him and he nodded and went about his business.

I then dumped my purse on my desk to weed through the gum wrappers and tampons (why in the hell are those still in there), receipts and pens and found no keys.

So I looked in my desk drawers and pockets of my jacket and my sweater. NOTHING!

So I wondered to the bathroom thinking I put them in my pocket and they fell out on one of my many bathroom visits and they weren’t there.

So I figured they were laying in the car seat because I missed my purse when I went to drop them in.

I went out to my car and opened the car door and was nearly knocked over by the heat that radiated out of the car. I looked inside and the thermostat on the dash said 102. I looked around for my keys and saw they were in the ignition. I then went to turn on my car to get the AC going to get rid of the heat.

This is how slooooow I am.

First of all, I should have realized the thermostat can’t be read unless the car is running.
Second, the car was so hot because the defrost was on high heat when I got out of the car.
Third, the radio was playing.

Needless to say I left my keys in the ignition with the car running for 9 ½ hours with gas nearly $ 4.00 gallon! I almost cried. No one noticed. Not the guy who parked next to me (he could have and just not said anything- to me he is that guy at work that makes you wonder). Not anyone parked around me.

I can’t wait to sleep again. I guess I can in about 10 years.

6 weeks and 2 days, is this pregnancy viable?

I had my first dr.'s appointment yesterday. They weighed me. That is enough to bring anyone to tears. They have a new digital scale which is not fun. I used to think that the weight accumulation was from the nurse’s slight of hand, but now I have no excuse. They made me take the glucose screen because of my weight and I had to tell the story about Beebo’s arrival into the world, again.

I was fortunate enough to not have the women ask if I know how this all happens. I assume everyone working there sees a + test as a $. So they are probably glad that it happened. And due to my ‘condition’ I will have to make frequent visits again this next 2 months. The sad thing is that I still have to pay for my last delivery and that should be done and over with by the end of next month.

So I have been sick and exhausted. Not something that is alarming if you know that you are pregnant and on progesterone tablets. But I find this whole added hormones thing a bit of a mess. See, I called to get the pills the day after I had confirmed the pregnancy myself. They had me come and get blood drawn and told me that they would call if the results were not good. So imagine my surprise when the LNP told me that I was smart to get the pills because my progesterone levels are low. I asked how low.

“15 is the ideal number we stick with around here and yours was 6.9. So we are going to do another blood draw today to check your HCG and your progesterone levels. If you are still below the ideal level we will increase your progesterone dosage.”

Now this worries me a great deal because what if I was meant to miscarry? What if something was not right and I should have just let everything be. Plus they NEVER called me! Hello? Is anyone home? I would know if they called beause a) The Idiot does not answer the phone, b) because The Idiot does not answer the phone he thinks this justifies him not checking voicemail so I check all the voicemail, and c) I WAS WAITING FOR THEM TO CALL! I had a feeling that this was why I had miscarried in 2006 after they informed me while pregnant with Beebo that my progesterone was low. I figured it was imoortant since THEY were freaking out about it last time when it was 12.3. WTF???????

So I kind of calmed down before I blew up (hence the childhood nickname) and I explained my mother’s history with blighted ovum and she said she realized my concern. So she scheduled me for an u/s the next day. So today I have to go back and have my pregnancy confirmed as viable or unviable. So I will sit at work and pretend to pour over numbers and figures and estimates while my brain screams. I am sure I slept last night terribly well. It was probably due to the fact that Christian won Project Runway (I preferred Chris for the final 3) but I think I just stored all of the information in the back of my mind for safe keeping.

The Idiot’s reaction to the news was no reaction because Family Guy re-runs were on and those are far more important than the possibility that I could miscarry again. He has a ‘trick’ were he turns his head slightly in my direction and nods or says, “yeah” when I pause to breath. Eyes are always glued to the tube. I don’t know if it is typical man behavior or just his behavior to have selective hearing.

Baboo’s father and I did not have to compete with the TV for attention because when we moved in together he decided that he was going to get rid of the TV for fear that it would consume him and all of his ultra-intelligent brain power and he had so much to share, let me tell you. I can't recall an intelligent conversation with him to this day. We worked opposite hours so I went home and slept or read and when he was home we had to have sex. So I lived with that man for 3 months with no TV with all the sex I could ever want and more. It's not a wonder I got pregnant with Baboo at all. I still ended up hating him and the ridiculous choices he made in the end but still he didn’t pay attention to me either. Come to think of it, it did take him an awfully long time to read Hannibal. He read that book from the day I moved in to the day I moved out. He must be a slow reader or a great fraud.

I was a little ticked that The Idiot wasn’t too concerned with what I said. I think I will test him this afternoon when I come home from work. I might just mention that I got an ultrasound and that we are having twins or something mind-blowing to see if he even flinches.

The last time I was pregnant, (as if that was long ago), I took a shower in our wonderful modest mobile home. The tub was high so I was to the point of not being able to lift my leg very high and I was worried that I would slip and fall. I swear to this day that I stood in my shower dripping wet, covered with a towel and screamed and hollered The Idiot’s name for a good 5 minutes. He finally showed up and asked me, “what?” This was practiced daily at our house. I was scared that I was going to fall through the rotten floor so he had to help me. I was so mad I asked him if there were boobs and wheels or engines on the TV and if that is why he chose to ignore me. Well, guess what he was watching? Overhaulin. Such an Idiot. I could have been standing there getting ready to have a baby with contractions, leaking the whole nine yards and he wouldn’t come anywhere near me till there was a commercial. So ridiculous.

Men...need I say more?